Courtney

            I was born a twin into a good home.  Growing up, my twin sister was into modeling and I was into sports.  She would have modeling agencies call her wanting her to do photo shoots… and nobody would call me.  I began to wonder if something was wrong with me, if I was too fat or too ugly.  My self-esteem began to fall and I became very angry with my twin for getting all of the attention that she was getting.  I was also angry at myself for not being pretty enough.  I decided to take matters into my own hands.

            In junior high, I experimented with bulimia.  However, I didn’t lose the weight that I wanted fast enough, so I stopped.  I began to turn the anger that I had inward, towards myself.  I thought I was worthless and that I wasn’t good enough for anything.

            In high school, my self-esteem was at its lowest.  I wanted to be accepted and feel beautiful, just like my twin.  I decided to stop eating.  I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time.  My lowest weight was 83 pounds.  I was also cutting myself and abusing my prescription medicine for my depression. 

            My parents found out what I was doing and I was put into a mental hospital where all they did was put me on more medications.  They didn’t deal with the root issues of rejection and hate.  I ate just so I could get out.

            In November of 2005, my mother found Harvest Time.  I knew that I needed to come in, that this was my last chance.  For the first time in my life, I felt the acceptance that I had been longing for.  The staff and Mrs. Shawn showed me the love of God and they accepted me for who I was and still am.  I now know that I don’t have to be “stick thin” to be beautiful because true beauty comes from within.  By renewing my mind according the Word, I have been able to recognize the lies that I once believed, and replace them with the truth of God’s Word.  With the help of God and the staff, my self- esteem has drastically improved.  My self-esteem has gone from rock bottom to a very healthy self-image.  I know that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” in the eyes of God and that’s all that matters.